Parental alienation remains one of the more complex and emotionally charged issues Family Law. It describes a situation where one parent (known as the alienating parent) negatively influences a child’s relationship with the other parent (the alienated parent).
This often leads to unjustified fear and hostility, or complete rejection of that parent. While it can be subtle or overt, the impact is often profound on children, parents and extended families.
When It Is Not Alienation: Genuine Concerns for Safety
It’s essential to remember that not all rejection by a parent is alienation. Sometimes a parent may need to limit the time spent with one parent based on real experiences of harm, such as:
- Family violence or coercive control
- Child sexual abuse or emotional abuse
- Neglect, substance abuse, or unsafe environments
In these situations, the child may be showing justifiable fear or distress, and their avoidance should not be dismissed as alienation. These matters are generally addressed through the court, and a parent in this situation would generally seek counselling or therapy for the child while any larger issues are addressed, unless safety concerns, such as family violence, prevent this from occurring.
Planning in Advance: Preventative Steps
If you’re separating or have recently experienced a relationship breakdown, consider discussing parenting orders early on – especially if there is a ‘high-conflict’ dynamic. The more clearly parenting arrangements are outlined in writing, ideally through consent orders, the easier it is to prevent misunderstandings or manipulation later.
Key preventative actions include:
- Creating detailed, enforceable Parenting Orders (because parenting plans are not enforceable).
- Keeping consistent communication logs through available apps
- Seeking mediation when needed.
- Engaging family lawyers to ensure court orders reflect your child’s best interests (including specifics like birthdays, special occasions, health matters and religious events that you may not have considered).
Who Can Be Affected by Parental Alienation?
While parental alienation is often seen in high-conflict divorces or relationship breakdowns, it can affect anyone. Children of any age may be impacted, and the alienated parent often reports feelings of helplessness, anxiety and ongoing emotional harm.
Alienation can occur gradually, sometimes escalating when one parent seeks financial support or to avoid financial support, disputes asset division or when fights over children’s care in court occur. These tensions may influence the child’s perspective, especially if the child is exposed to informal agreements that differ from legally binding agreements or existing financial arrangements.
How Parental Alienation Syndrome Affects Children
When parental alienation occurs, a child may internalise false narratives or negative comments about the rejected parent, leading to what some professionals describe as Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS). The alienated child may exhibit hostility or fear toward the targeted parent without a legitimate justification, often mirroring the ‘favoured’ parent’s views.
Over time, the child’s behaviour and relationships may deteriorate, particularly in primary care transitions. PAS can disrupt emotional development and cause long-term harm. The psychological community often recommends early intervention, such as family therapy or reunification therapy, to prevent parental alienation from becoming entrenched and to support the child’s wellbeing.
How Parental Alienation Syndrome Affects the Alienated Parent
The targeted parent in cases of Parental Alienation Syndrome may suffer deep emotional distress, confusion, and a loss of connection with their child. Being rejected without cause, especially after a previously close bond, can feel like an invisible form of grief.
In child custody cases, the legal system may require substantial evidence to address the child’s rejection, and parents often face false allegations or delays in legal proceedings. Extended family members of the alienated parent may also experience loss and helplessness. Legal advice, combined with therapeutic options like reunification therapy, is often the best course for navigating this painful and complex situation.
Common Signs of Parental Alienation
Parental alienation can be subtle or take a long time to become apparent, but its effects are deeply damaging. It often begins with small shifts in a child’s behaviour, communication or emotional responses toward one parent, usually without a valid reason.
Whether intentional or not, alienating behaviours can distort a child’s perception and harm their long-term wellbeing, affecting their development and preventing them from reaching their full potential. Below are some of the most common signs to look for, grouped to help you better recognise patterns and take early action.
Changes in the Child’s Thinking
- Unjustified rejection of one parent without a clear reason
- Black-and-white thinking: one parent is “all good,” the other “all bad”
- Echoing adult complaints or repeating language they likely don’t understand
- Siding strongly with one parent and showing extreme loyalty
Behaviour & Communication Red Flags
- Making negative comments about one parent that mirror the other parent’s views
- Refusing gifts or communication from the rejected parent
- Showing no guilt or empathy when treating the rejected parent harshly
- Acting fearful or anxious around the alienated parent without a justifiable reason
Social & Relationship Warning Signs
- Avoiding or refusing time with the alienated parent, even after a previously close bond
- Distancing from extended family on the alienated parent’s side
- Involvement in adult matters, like discussing finances, court, or custody issues
- Rejecting shared traditions or memories linked to the alienated parent
If you recognise several of these signs in your child, it’s important to seek support early. Parental alienation can escalate quickly and have lasting emotional and legal consequences for both the child and the targeted parent. Consulting a family law professional and accessing therapeutic support may help protect your child’s wellbeing and rebuild a healthy parent–child relationship.
Why Would One Parent Alienate the Other?
Parental alienation often stems from unresolved conflict, emotional pain, or a desire to control the post-separation family dynamic. While not always deliberate, the behaviour can be damaging and manipulative. Here are three common scenarios:
Unresolved Anger or Betrayal (perceived or real)
After a breakup, one parent may feel deeply hurt or betrayed, especially if the separation involved infidelity, financial stress, or perceived abandonment. Instead of processing those feelings, they may direct anger toward the other parent through the child, hoping to “punish” them emotionally.
Desire for Control or Custody Advantage
In high-conflict child custody cases, one parent may attempt to strengthen their legal position by undermining the other parent. They might try to influence the child’s feelings or create distance to gain full custody or financial support, such as increased child support payments, or as a way to decrease financial commitments, such as child support.
Psychological Vulnerability or Personality Issues
Some parents who exhibit paranoia, narcissism or personality disorders may struggle to maintain healthy boundaries. They may genuinely believe they are protecting the child, even when there’s no legitimate justification, and engage in psychological manipulation to remain the favoured parent. This can be a very difficult scenario to address, and it’s imperative to seek legal advice in this scenario.
How Does The Family Law Act Address Parental Alienation?
Whilst there is no specific law around parental alienation, under Section 60CC of the Family Law Act, the Court considers two primary factors when determining parenting arrangements:
- The benefit to the child of having a meaningful relationship with both parents.
- The need to protect the child from physical or psychological harm.
Parental alienation may be treated as a form of emotional abuse or coercive control, particularly where one former partner has used tactics to undermine the other parent’s role in the child’s life. While the Act doesn’t explicitly define parental alienation, courts are increasingly receptive to psychological and behavioural evidence that suggests such patterns.
What Evidence Can Be Used to Prove Parental Alienation?
Parental alienation can be difficult to prove in court because it often occurs over time and behind closed doors. However, the Family Court does take allegations seriously, particularly when they affect a child’s mental wellbeing or violate the best interests of the child principle under the Family Law Act 1975.
Evidence that may support a parental alienation claim includes:
- Family reports and psychological assessments commissioned during court proceedings.
- Written communication, such as text messages or emails, showing manipulation or obstruction of parenting time.
- Records of breaches of court orders or consent orders, where contact was denied without a reasonable explanation.
- Witness accounts from professionals or trusted adults involved in the child’s life.
- Behavioural changes in the child that are inconsistent with their past relationship with the alienated parent.
If you believe parental alienation is affecting your relationship with your child, it’s essential to seek legal advice early and begin documenting these issues.
Legal Options for Addressing Parental Alienation
If a court determines that parental alienation is present and affecting the child, it may take steps such as:
- Adjusting parenting orders to reduce time spent with the alienating parent.
- Ordering supervised visits, therapy or counselling.
- Assigning decision-making responsibilities to the alienated parent to restore balance.
- Appointing an Independent Children’s Lawyer (ICL) to represent the child’s interests.
- Changing arrangements as to who the child lives with.
A court’s primary goal is to restore or preserve a safe, supportive relationship between the child and both parents, whenever possible.
Is It Worth Addressing Parental Alienation In Court?
In an ideal world, yes, it would be. Unfortunately, some parents hesitate to take action due to fears around the complexity of family law matters and legal costs.
However, early intervention can prevent deeper emotional harm and save families from prolonged litigation. While parental alienation cases may involve financial orders, court costs and professional assessments, the potential benefits of restoring a parent-child bond can be immeasurable.
How Does Parental Alienation Compare To Estrangement?
Parental estrangement can occur as a result of parental alienation, but it can also occur due to child abuse and neglect issues. Cases involving parental alienation will be considered in light of both options, especially if a child refuses to visit.
It’s critical to distinguish between parental alienation and situations where a child rejects a parent due to abuse, neglect or harm. This is known as estrangement, and it may be entirely appropriate for a child to refuse contact under those circumstances. Courts weigh these distinctions carefully, often relying on mental health professionals and court-appointed experts to clarify.
What Should You Do If You Suspect Parental Alienation?
If you notice signs of alienation, acting early is crucial.
Here’s a brief checklist:
- Seek immediate legal advice to understand your options
- Start gathering communication records and other relevant evidence
- Avoid retaliating or escalating conflict in front of your child
- Request mediation or Family Dispute Resolution (FDR) where appropriate
- Consider requesting a court-appointed ICL or family report once you proceed in court
- Focus on building a consistent, loving connection with your child, regardless of the alienating parent’s actions, where possible
What To Do if You Are Being Alienated
If you are being alienated, stay calm and focused. Keep a diary of events, save messages and avoid reacting emotionally; your behaviour may be scrutinised. Stay consistent in trying to connect with your child, even if rejected.
Consider family therapy and seek legal advice early to explore options like reunification therapy or parenting orders. The court will look for patterns, so documenting efforts and showing respectful, child-focused behaviour can be powerful in child custody matters.
What To Do if You’re Being Falsely Accused of Parental Alienation
If you’re falsely accused of parental alienation, record interactions, keep notes of any false allegations, and gather evidence to refute claims. Seek legal advice immediately to understand your rights and options.
Cooperate with court-ordered evaluations or therapy sessions, and continue fostering a positive relationship with your child. Avoid speaking negatively about the other parent in front of the child or in court, and ensure you are abiding by any orders in place. A calm, consistent approach will demonstrate your commitment to your child’s wellbeing and help challenge false accusations effectively.
What To Do if You Suspect A Child Is Experiencing Parental Alienation
If you suspect a child is being alienated from one of their parents, or you are a parent of a child in this situation, it’s essential to act with care and support. Listen to the child without judgment or pressure. Encourage open communication and validate their feelings. Speak to a professional, such as a counsellor or therapist, who can help assess the situation and provide therapeutic support to the child.
Document any concerning behaviours, including negative comments about the alienated parent, and seek legal advice to understand the best steps for protecting the child’s wellbeing. Encourage reunification through therapy or mediation when appropriate, ensuring the child’s emotional and psychological needs are addressed.
Final Thoughts
Parental alienation is emotionally damaging, often misunderstood, and legally complex. But you’re not alone. If you’re concerned that your relationship with your child is being undermined, talk to a family lawyer who can help you navigate your rights and responsibilities under the Family Law Act.
At its heart, family law prioritises the safety and wellbeing of children, and so should every parent involved. With the right support, legal advice, and timely action, it is possible to protect those relationships and help your child thrive.
Need Support With Parental Alienation Or Complex Parenting Matters?
Whether you’re experiencing parental alienation or have recently been accused of it, it’s essential to seek clear guidance early. These situations are highly emotional and legally complex, but you don’t have to face them alone.
Contact our experienced family law team at Pearsons Lawyers today for your initial free appointment and confidential advice tailored to your circumstances on 1300 699 688. We’ll help you understand your rights, your child’s needs, and the legal steps available to protect your relationship and wellbeing.
